Things that can't be said or thought within a relationship/marriage.The marriage becomes a normalising structure, marking out a safe area within which we can live. Each keeps tabs on the other to make sure that they aren't straying too far from safe ground.
But the structure cannot stop us dreaming; it cannot halt the flow of fantasy. We see what happens when fantasy enters the marriage, when messy, foreign madness is brought into the home, muddying the carpet and disrespecting the rules. The question becomes; will fantasy be allowed in here? Will we open our door to it, or will we turn our back on it, deny it, or vilify it. Does fantasy have a place within our safe structure? Must the structure be modified, or smashed to pieces? Were we wrong to erect these walls in the first place?
"We should be grateful that we've managed to survive our dreams [...] The important thing is, we're awake now."
And so, we're back to normal. We're both back on safe ground, and let's put an end to our dreaming. It was too messy, too painful.
The shame about our fantasies gives testimony to their importance [...] I do indeed resist telling my daydreams, my scorching hatreds, my longings and fears and their uncontrollable imagery.
ReplyDeleteMy fantasies are like wounds; they reveal my pathology [...] Fantasies are incompatible with my usual ego [...]
This part of the soul that we keep to ourselves is central to analysis, to confession, to prayer, central between lovers and friends, central in the work of art, central to what we mean by 'telling the truth' and central to our fate.
[James Hillman]
The Myth of Analysis