Constellating

A Woman Under the Influence (1974)

2010-02-02T08:23:00.000-08:00

He is "bad": short-tempered, violent, aggressive. He says the "wrong" things

She is "crazy": "irresponsible", "unpredictable". She also seems to keep saying the "wrong" things.

And yet, despite their pathologies, neither is cast out. He knows that she is, by conventional standards, "crazy." And she can not be blind to his aggression; she feels his hand across her face. And yet neither is willing to condemn the other to being "bad"; neither is willing to to give up. Their bond - their world - contains them, with all their problems.

He says, "I love you", and she knows that he speaks the truth. Not only this, she knows that his "love" is not a deception designed to cover up or explain away "bad," that it is as honest as love can be.

Their love is an unconditional attachment, one that does not allow easy dismissals. It demands an understanding and a carrying. It says, "I see that you are weak, and I will carry you." Marriage becomes an archetype of the accepting environment, and a microcosm of the accepting community, the accepting society.

In this sense, to know love is to be on the path towards true citizenship.

Scenes From a Marriage (1973)

2010-01-26T13:46:00.000-08:00

Frozen in time

The marriage begins with an image - the wedding photo - and asks the couple to remain faithful to this image. It asks them to keep smiling, to maintain harmony. But perhaps the marriage needs to be able to allow other images within its borders; images of tears, and bared-teeth; of dreams, mistakes, regrets.

In asking its participants to stick to a single image it does not allow them to be fully human, condemning them to the immovability of rigor-mortis. Its foundational image is pathology free, all smiles and great expectations. But if we decide that pathology is an important aspect of flourishing - an aspect of a balance - then it must be let in.

In this case, the mark of the strong marriage is its ability to adapt to changing waters, to allow the roiling seas as well as the calm lake.

Time To Leave (2005)

2010-01-15T12:56:00.000-08:00

Becoming vulnerable, and 'giving in.'

His illness becomes a spiritual experience, his head-shaving a form of tonsure; a symbolic act signaling an inner shift. In 'giving in' to a higher power, the ego is finally, mercifully, put in perspective. It has taken this illness to remind Romain that there are things bigger than he, things that are out of his control; but from his forced surrender he is able to discover a new way of relating to the world, one not so dominated by the self-aggrandising concerns of his ego.

His illness unites him with his vulnerability, allows him to "grow down" into the earth. He becomes a part of things, connected in a way that he wasn't previously; his ego in its place, no longer pulling at the leash.

From the position of surrender he is able to experience things anew; to smile, to listen, to look.

The Road (2009)

2010-01-13T13:32:00.001-08:00

The death of meaning

The Road shows a world in which most structures of meaning have broken down; in which those ideas that make us human - morals, ethics, love, compassion - have been thrown out the window in favour of a single imperative: to survive.

We see humanity in the process of losing its "humanity," people becoming animals. Animals have no meanings, they do not imagine themselves to be something; they cannot craft themselves into one image or another, a saint or a sinner. They do what they must, to survive.

The Father's meanings have shrunk down to one: "Keep the boy alive," and in this sense he is not far from becoming animal. His vision is centred on the boy, and he does not see anyone else. It is his job to care for the boy, and it is left to the boy to care both for his father and for the Other (to keep alive the idea of relatedness, of the Whole). He may be his father's keeper, but he is also his brother's.

The boy is left to carry the fire, a flame from which meanings spark and ignite. In a world in which humanity is dying, both in body and in spirit, the boy's capacity to imagine - to give life meaning - keeps him alive, and keeps him human.

The Road shows us how vital it is that we are able to breathe meaning into life, and reminds us that our ability to imagine helps form the bedrock of our humanity.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

2010-01-04T12:13:00.000-08:00

Things that can't be said or thought within a relationship/marriage.

The marriage becomes a normalising structure, marking out a safe area within which we can live. Each keeps tabs on the other to make sure that they aren't straying too far from safe ground.

But the structure cannot stop us dreaming; it cannot halt the flow of fantasy. We see what happens when fantasy enters the marriage, when messy, foreign madness is brought into the home, muddying the carpet and disrespecting the rules. The question becomes; will fantasy be allowed in here? Will we open our door to it, or will we turn our back on it, deny it, or vilify it. Does fantasy have a place within our safe structure? Must the structure be modified, or smashed to pieces? Were we wrong to erect these walls in the first place?

"We should be grateful that we've managed to survive our dreams [...] The important thing is, we're awake now."

And so, we're back to normal. We're both back on safe ground, and let's put an end to our dreaming. It was too messy, too painful.

Twilight (2008)

2009-12-03T06:26:00.000-08:00

"I can't ever lose control with you"

The beloved compels us to be on our best behaviour, to be the best we can be at this moment in time.

And, inasmuch as this best behaviour runs contrary to our default patterns, it may sometimes seem like an act; as if we are playing the part of being good, whilst deep down maybe it isn't who we really are. But the act needn't seem false; it is necessarily put on, and in putting it on we are able to craft ourselves, mould ourselves into the shape we want to be.

"Enough. Remember who you are"

Maintaining the act involves a constant remembering. To stay on course may necessitate constant minor adjustments, because we all forget the way from time to time.

Abstinence becomes a sign of inner strength, the hardest act to maintain. In conquering of one the strongest instincts (one of the strongest defaults), we light the road that leads to other victories.